Expergiscere et coffeam olface Wake up and smell the coffee!

"Black as the devil, Hot as hell, Pure as an angel, Sweet as love."- Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Perigord(1754-1839)

"This Satan's drink is so delicious that it would be a pity to let the infidels have exclusive use of it. We shall cheat Satan by baptizing it." Unknown 16th century

"Picard always drank tea. Kirk always drank coffee. Any questions?" -Anonymous Internet Tagline

I admit. I have a serious addiction. I'm caffeine driven. You can mess with me in a lot of ways. "Just hand over the coffee and no one gets hurt." And those that know me well know that the addiction goes deeper that just my No Decaf moniker. I have all the toys. A few different types of brewing equipment, grinders, designer mugs, special spoons and even the damn trendy little battery driven Areolatte for whipping milk to an instant froth, no steaming required. The way I go at it, it's damn near an obsession. So I figured this month I'd give you a little tour of my caffeine driven virtual geekdom favs.

"There's too much blood in my caffeine system." - Unknown

"Amazing what caffeine and no sense of self-preservation can do" - Overheard on the Internet

The Basics

Caffeine Project
http://www.geocities.com/CapeCanaveral/Launchpad/6202/index.htm

Erowid Caffeine Chemistry Vault
http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/caffeine/caffeine_chemistry.shtml

Coffee Science Institute http://www.cosic.org

3,7-Dihydro-1,3,7-trimethyl-1H-purine-2,6-dione

C8H10N4O2

Let's start with the basics. It is always good to know exactly what you are adding to your body. Caffeine is a nitrogen based chemical substance. Spend a few moments perusing these pages and even the crowd at your local 'bucks will be impressed. Not only will you be able to quote chemistry and sling about terms like "molecular weight" with the best of 'em. You will also be treated to the lengthy insights into the pros and cons of consuming an alkaloid that is the world most often used controlled substance. The Chemistry Vault page is just that - pure chemistry. It lays it out in the finest fashion. You are even treated to full color images of the caffeine molecule (in 3D!!) and access to the Materials Safety Data sheets (written to governmental standards) on caffeine. The Caffeine Project pages (love the rocket science addy) provide even greater depth for your caffeine driven intellectual ramblings. There in addition to info on chemical properties you will find an over-view of the history of man's caffeine use and a FAQ section that provides enough snippets of factoids that you will be able to use to humble your local barista. The Coffee Science Institute, sponsored by the National Coffee Association, provides that and more. It includes meaty sections addressing the specific health concerns of the world's most often consumed roasted beverage.

"No coffee can be good in the mouth that does not first send a sweet offering of odor to the nostrils." - Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887)

"Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend." Unknown Author

"Chocolate, men, coffee - some things are better rich." Unknown Author

"We secretly replaced the dilithium with Folger's Crystals...Lets watch as they go to warp..." - Anonymous Internet Tagline

The Beans

None of this ancient pre-ground hermetically sealed stuff in a can for me. No, no Nescafe instant in my cup. When I'm brewing my vital fluid of life I actually turn into such a cooking geek that even Martha would take notice with pride. I keep it basic - no additives here. Only two pure ingredients: pure charcoal filtered water and fresh roasted beans. Just moments before brewing, I smash the choicest whole beans to the exact grind. Then I stand and swoon, while my head fills to intoxication, with the aroma of a freshly brewed pot. Aahhhh - nectar of the gods.

Key Coffee Roasters
http://www.keyroasters.com

Not to sound like a Juan Valdez wannabe, but only the freshest roasted beans will do me. Key Coffee Roasters uses only the best Arabica beans - not the Robusta garbage that most large commercial coffee vendors use. I admit I am a coffee bean snob - a spoiled snob. The local small coffee roaster here produces some the most exquisite beans you will ever find. They use a Sivetz Fluid Bed Roaster that assures proper temperature and constant agitation turning simple green beans into complex black gold along the way. They offer their own roasted coffees in four categories (Blends - Americans - Africas - Pacifics) as well as promoting the VERY politically correct Organic / Fair Trade coffees. Privateers Blend is rich and smooth with a mild acidity, for me, it's my morning wake-up call. Ethiopian Yirgacheffe has a unique winey rich full-bodied flavor, my mid day coffee of choice. When I choose to indulge in evening coffee it has to have complex earthy flavor notes and very low acidity. Their Pacifics coffees line more that fits that bill. With offerings such as Papau New Guinea and Monsooned Malabar you will find much here that delights. Now before you reach a state of caffeine inspired frenzy screaming "hey what the - I'm not local to her and can't lay my hands on her beans" well I just have two words for you baby - mail order. For beans like these, it's more than worth the effort.

"Brewing espresso...unlike other methods of brewing coffee...IS rocket science..." - Kevin Knox and Julie Sheldon Huffaker, Coffee Basics: A Quick and Easy Guide

The Goddess Loves You! Just don't push it till she's had her coffee! – Anonymous 'Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it's on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw." – Erma Bombeck (1927-1996)

"We've lost the Warp Core? So how do I power my cappuccino maker now?" - Anonymous Internet Tagline

Techy Toys & Political Correctness & Street Noise

You must have game baby. Sure you can auto drip but can you French press, steam, froth, grind, and tamp with the best of them? Did you know that our coffee guzzling brethren across the pond have frothing problem that is beyond the simple answer of technique, technique, technique? How about are you ready to put your beans where your mouth is by purchasing coffee that tackles real third world economic issues? Let you fingers do the virtual walking through these sites and you will be able to walk the walk & talk thetalk with the best of them.

Coffee Geek
http://www.coffeegeek.com

Coffee Kid
http://www.coffeekid.com

The self-proclaimed Geeks & Kids know their stuff. Coffee Geek is an up to the minute coffee tabloid that provides news & reviews on all the latest in coffee equipment, events, tips & tricks and discussions. The equipment reviews are of the coffee hardcore variety. They provide in depth news all the latest and greatest for both the coffee professional and us armchair baristas. With hard hitting criticisms such as "...there were under-extracted portions in the filter basket that would have been aided by a better dispersion pattern of brewing water" you will find that the Geeks give you straight-up the most honest coffee new & reviews to be found on the net. Coffee Kid comes in a kinder gentler wrapper - I secretly suspect that there may even a decaf version available. The site does provide newly addicted caffeine junkies with and in depth directory of all the basics you will need to know. Everything from grinders to roasters, and various types or brewing equipment are discussed with grace and intelligence. The experienced armchair baristas, such as myself, will also find the honest caffeinated reviews of home brewing equipment to of great use. "Coffee Kids" supplies overviews of equipment in a variety of price ranges in an uncomplicated easy to read fashion. Well done.

The UK Milk Frothing Problem
http://www/kwilson.fsnet.co.uk/Milkfrothing.htm

While our caffeine driven brethren across the pond have always been stereotyped as to sipping a leafy beverage from dainty cups with pinky's extended, they too can quaff coffee with the best of us. It seems however, that they have frothing issues the likes of which may have caused our Seattle caffeine driven revolution of the 80's to fail before reaching foamy peaks. The article on the UK Milk Frothing Problem gives both an overview of the concern as well as possible solutions. It even provides pro's and con's for the various dairy brands by their degree of foamability.

Fair Trade - Coffee
http://www.globalexchange.org/campaigns/fairtrade/coffee/

Coffee Kids Organization
http://www.coffeekids.org

Time to put up or shut up with these two sites. Political correctness aside both are doing good works in the real word. Coffee is the second largest import to the US, it is grown in third world countries under near sweat shop conditions. The Fair Trade Coffee Campaign provides a realistic living wage to farmers growing beans under their banner. Sold at zillions coffee shops around the country (see Key Roasters above and any neighborhood Starbucks). Coffee Kids Organization is an international group working to better the quality of life for children and families living and working in the world's coffee growing regions. They are funded by a literal who's who of private and corporate donations. I encourage you to upon occasion do the right thing in purchasing beans.

"Without my morning coffee I'm just like a dried up piece of roast goat." Johann Sebastian Bach (1685-1750) The Coffee Cantata

"As soon as coffee is in your stomach, there is a general commotion. Ideas begin to move...similes arise, the paper is covered. Coffee is your ally and writing ceases to be a struggle." Honor頤e Balzac (1799-1859)

"You are lucky because you caught me in a transitional phase. I was sitting here, eating my muffin, drinking my coffee, and I had what alcoholics refer to as a moment of clarity." - Pulp Fiction

My Local 'Bucks

Hip Haunts & Cultural Correctness

I'll let you in on the ground floor. Centuries before those of us from the Blank Generation clad ourselves in black leather wrappers and poured into St. Marks on Saturday nights, coffee had already defined the bastions of cultural cool.

The Coffee Cantata
http://www.afactor.net/kitchen/coffee/kaffeeKantate.html

First stop on the coffee fueled mini-bus tour of culture is The Coffee Cantata by the man himself, J.S. Bach. It was written in Zimmerman's Coffee between 1732 & 1734 as "a tale of caution & advice for young maidens who love coffee." This site actually posts the entire libretto and a snippet of his music. Enjoy.

The American Museum of Beat Art
http://www.beatmuseum.org/index.html

Fast forward a quick few centuries, don your black jeans, black leather jacket and your favorite pair of Ray Bans and come hang with the coolest of the cool. When it comes to the hipsters of coffeehouse culture whom better than the Beat Generation. The American Museum of Beat Art is cultural tour de force hitting all the stops in both literature and the visual arts. Kerouac to Kienholz - Burroughs to Pollack this site is a virtual who's who of the greats that craved caffeine and black jeans into our cultural psyche so deeply that they have influenced every subsequent generation.

Poetry Slam
http://www.poetryslam.com

Modern poets and hipsters have followed the Beat Generation's path and choice of venues in coffeehouses (and pubs) around the country. At Poetry Slams a new generation hones their literary caffeine driven creativity juices. You haven't lived until you'd until you've experienced the power of the spoken word driven by a double dose of piping hot C8H10N4O2 served in real mugs in a dark smoked filled room with bodies stacked so thick they spill from the chairs on to the floor. Poetry Slams should be lived and experienced and their website makes finding one near you as easy as ordering a double-shot latte. With an in depth listing to the venues broken out by state, you will be able plan a coffee inspired adventure into the real word. Get out from behind that computer baby.

Too Much Coffee Man
http://www.tmcm.com

Our mini-bus coffee cultural tour ends here at Too Much Coffee Man - the comics, the magazine. The Portland based anti-social counter culture comic found in alternative weeklies coast to coast can also be found in a paper based glossy format with political caffeine frenzied commentary. The better to roll up and take to a coffeehouse with you. While the mechanics of negotiating this site are a bit awkward (center weighted scrolling central window) the content more than compensates.

It is caffeine alone that sets my mind in motion. It is through beans of java that thoughts acquire speed, that hands acquire shakes, that shakes become a warning...I am...IN CONTROL...OF MY ADDICTION! - From the Minicon Graffiti Wall, 1989(?)

Coffee Geeks - A Shot in the Dark

Lastly let me return you to the Coffee Geeks for latest addition to my coffee driven addiction. A Shot in the Dark is the coffee equivalent of a Depth Charge. While fairly self-explanatory in nature, they do provide step-by-step commentary for making this one - hehe - complete with photos. And as they say "If that doesn't wake you up, you're dead anyway".

Veritatem dies aperit.
LA. Judge / nodecaf

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